Speak the language of virtues to acknowledge: The objective of acknowledging the virtues is to build authentic self-esteem and encourage virtues in others when you see them.
There are three fundamental steps to using the power of language to awaken innate virtues in each other to help bring out the best in people:
1. Speak the Virtues to Acknowledge when a Virtue is Practised:
When a person is practising a virtue, recognise this! When people are acknowledged for one of their virtues, and this is spoken out, it reinforces their awareness that they possess this gift. Praising virtues when practiced promotes conscious understanding in a person that they have this virtue, and that acting on this is a good thing, that they can choose to act on at any time.Speak the Virtues to be Specific:
The language of virtues is specific, clear and builds authentic self-esteem and importantly is easily personalised. It therefore steers away from over-dependence on approval. General terms such as “good on you”, “good job”, or for children, “good boy” or “good girl” for instance are not very effective because they are too general for people to personalise. While it indicates you are pleased, it can simply lead to people pleasing behaviour.
Instead, what people need is specific information on what they did that was “excellent” or “helpful” for instance. Instead of saying “you’re kind”. It’s much more effective and authentic to name a specific virtue, to call to the person’s character, that resonates and enriches their best self at the deepest level.
We say “You showed a lot of kindness to help the new staff member by showing them around after work. They must feel more welcome now. I appreciate your Consideration” .
2. Speak the Virtues to Guide:
The object of guiding is to help others towards actioning a virtue they would do well practising. This can be used in boundary setting.
We can use virtues to encourage positive behaviour: Focus on Do’s and Not Don'ts..
Throughout various groups and communities of all kinds (and all the more so often between parents and children) we find ourselves instructing those in a subordinate position about what we do and do not want them to do. “Don’t Raise Your Voice”; “Don’t Not (do) XYZ” . While there is certainly a place for this when spelling out some rules, after alternative methods of communication fail, or in a crisis, making a habit of talking to others in the positive is much more likely to gain positive results over time.
Rephrasing your requirement
E.g.: “Let's work this out peacefully” for example, encourages people to draw upon the virtue of peacefulness. “Let’s be considerate and do XYZ”, frames the action positively so a virtue is practiced. When a positive statement is linked to a virtue, it has the greatest impact. It encourages one to draw upon their spiritual and moral awareness.
3. Speak the Virtues to Help Correct Others:
The objective of correcting others to remind them that they are not doing the right thing We can do this by using the virtues :
Use the Virtues to Foster One’s Conscience
Virtues as guidance is offered before an action. Virtues as correction occurs after an action has happened that needs correction. The purpose of correcting is never to shame someone into changing, as this does not work in the long run, and the person often reacts by building a wall around their heart for protection. A virtues correction touches one's conscience and awakens the moral purpose of the change called for.
In whatever setting you are called to correct when you correct behavior by focusing on a virtue you are practicing assertiveness and modeling Justice. When someone is engaging in bullying for instance, directly calling them a bully rarely resolves the problem. Instead, call a person to the virtues of Peacefulness and Friendliness and show your belief in the person that they will respond because they have these virtues within.
Replace Shaming with Naming a Virtue
When we fill our environment with discouraging words, such as “lazy”, “stupid”, “hopeless”, “unacceptable”, we are literally de-moralising and discouraging people. When we fill our environment with encouraging virtue based words however such “kind”, “compassionate”, “self-disciplined”, we’re reinforcing those behaviours. Above all, when we focus on virtues rather than judgmental statements of good or bad, we’re creating a context for character, and a climate of meaning. At the core of every meaningful action is the intent, and that intent is always reflective of one of the universal virtues.
Name the Act, Not the Actor
How many of us have experiences of being humiliated and bullied as children which discouraged us and became a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure, leading to a life-long battle with self-esteem? Humiliation from those in charge discourages young people in particular, while the practice of naming virtues builds authentic self-esteem and real conscience. Holding a person accountable for their actions in a firm, respectful way, and in the context of their ability to choose virtues, is an open invitation to do the right thing.
"A Paragon of Virtues"
"What you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what you are saying"- Henry David Thoreau
You don't need to be a paragon of perfection, but you do need to be a paragon or model of virtue. Model the virtue you are asking another to practice. For example, consideration. If you are in an education setting and you want to bring a rowdy room to order, upon requesting it, then rather than focus on those making the squabble, call out those being considerate and respectful. Focusing on those practicing the virtue and the behaviour you wish to achieve is more instructive than focusing on those who are showing the behaviour you do not want.
Activities
As you begin to “talk the talk and walk the walk” of virtues, you will find others following your example. People tend to learn the language of those around them, particularly younger people. The Language of Virtues is no exception. To teach virtues language skills directly, you can weave it into the systems you are already using very effectively.
Name That Virtue
At times, point out to others how a particular peer has used one or more of the virtues to solve a problem or produce outstanding work.
Virtues Awards
Among willing workplaces, education centres and at different community run programs Nominate people for Virtue of the Week Award.
Balance Acknowledgement for A Winning Team
You may wish to call out someone who has made even a slight improvement in a virtue when it has been of great challenge for them. These people often need the most self-esteem rewarding. Balance rewarding challenged people among the team for small improvements and those shining stars who truly excel , so there is balance in your acknowledgment system and you have yourself a winning team.